It's not Easy Being Morticia

But I pulled it off with a whole lot of work. And style and grace.... sort of.

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I wanted to put the costume together cheaply. Unfortunately with my height, finding a long black dress that could pass for a Morticia Addams dress was a daunting task and in the end did not turn out to be that cheap. I went to Sears and found a rack full of dresses on sale, and found a two piece outfit that may have been suitable. I walked over to the changeroom, tried it on, and it was indeed suitable to wear as Morticia.

The girl who let me into the changeroom asked how it went, and I replied with a big grin on my face "Its GREAT! I'll take it!" She looked at me, blinked 3 or four times, put on the most fake smile I have ever seen and said "Oh, that's good. Let me find a cashier for you." Meanwhile I know she was thinking 'I can't believe that girl is buying that dress!' I could have told her it was for a Hallowe'en costume, but in the end I thought it was more fun to let her think I was going to be wearing it to a wedding or Christmas party or something.

Even with the 30% discount, I still spent about $100 on the dress. It is a lot of money considering what the purpose was, but I figured it was worth it since this is the first time in 15 years I have dressed for Hallowe'en.

Bag in hand, I called Paul and squealed with glee about my new purchase. He was out in the Village with Peter, so I told him I would meet him for a quick pint and show him the dress. After showing the dress we sat at the bar and chatted about whatever it is we usually chat about. I noticed a magazine on the bar, so I started to rifle through it and saw an article titled How to be a First Time Drag Queen. Knowing that I never wear makeup or wigs or anything, Paul pointed at the article and said "Oh My God, that's going to be YOU on Hallowe'en!" I laughed because I knew he was right and because I was actually thinking the same thing.

The next barrier to my costume was finding a long black wig. I checked out a few places but they were sold out. I told my wig tale of woe to a friend of mine, and he told me of a store that usually has lots of wigs. I wandered over on my lunch and found the wig.

The last part of my costume was to get the makeup to put my finishing touches on Morticia. I stopped off at Shopper's Drug Mart after work and wandered over to the makeup section. Paul called me:
Paul: What are you doing?
Me: Picking up lipstick for my costume.
Paul: YOU are in a MAKEUP section of a store?
Me: I kind of have to be.
Paul: Oh God.
Me: I can't believe how EXPENSIVE this crap is. Why do women waste their money on it?

The conversation turned to dinner plans, which helped keep my mind off of the frustration I was feeling in choosing just the right lip colour. After multiple attempts to locate a lipstick the frustration welled up inside me and I exclaimed:
Me: How the f*** do you choose a lipstick?
Paul: I don't know, I don't wear that stuff. Hey, you are in Shoppers aren't you? Just ask the beauty consultant.
Me: Ok. I gotta go because I can't stand doing this any longer.

I hung up the phone looked over at the girl, but was too shy to ask her how to choose a lip colour. As a 39 year old woman, I should already know how to survive the makeup counter. However, I grew up with 3 older brothers and have an easier time choosing floor mats for a car.

I oscillated between the different brands of lipstick, and found a small section of ones that looked fairly red. I read the backs of them: Cherry Red, Luscious Red, Berry Red... I must be a guy trapped in a woman's body. Red is red. End of story. Again I looked back at the Shopper's girl, but I just could not admit that I didn't know how to choose a lipstick.

I decided just to try out the tester lipticks on the back of my hand. Twenty five minutes and the application of 8 or 9 different reds later, I settled on one that I thought would be suitable. I looked down at the waxy red stripes all over my hand, fruitlessly russled around in my purse for a tissue to wipe it off, and had to spend the rest of my makeup search making sure I did not get lipstick on my clothes. Picking out black eyeliner was much easier, although it took me a couple of minutes to decide between Onyx and True Black. Given my love for science fiction, it would have been much easier on me if they had one called Black Hole.

I should have gone home right after that, but I went to Paul's instead. After an evening of laughs, Coronation Street, and Jeopardy my makeup shopping hell seemed to be a dim memory. Then I realised merely owning makeup was not enough. I had to learn how to use it, too. But I was too tired, chose to go to bed, and decided to wake up early to learn how to draw the lines on my face.

Friday morning I got out of bed early, plastic bag of makeup in hand, and wandered to the bathroom mirror. I started to outline my right eye, it wasn't really that hard. I was circling around my tear duct, got too close, and my tears pulled the black colour into my eye. It turned black. I was horrified. I washed my eye out and started over. I thought to myself "How can women do this to themselves every day? This is such a pain in the ass. I would rather stay in bed and get the extra sleep, its more useful."

In the end I figured out how to apply the makeup, packaged my costume up and took it in to the office. My intention was to change into it at the office, and wear it all day to get my money's worth out of the dress, but I got paged with a system problem on the way in. I decided that my manager would most likely not appreciate me strolling to my desk 20 minutes late looking like Morticia Addams while the system was going to hell in a handbasket. I could have slept in after all.

The end of the day I went to Paul's place, and started to become Morticia. I put on the bathing cap to cover my hair under the wig, and applied the eyeliner. I walked out of the bathroom looked at Paul and said "I am the worst drag queen ever! Hey, does my eyeliner look okay?" Paul gave me a rumple faced look of confusion since it is a question he probably never thought he would hear from me.

All in all the preparations went well until I went to put on the fake long black nails I bought. The two way tape was not adhering and the nails were not sticking very well to my real nails. Then I would forget the nails were there, reach out to get something (most of the time it was my vodka tonic) and would knock a couple of the nails off. I was getting frustrated. Paul was getting sick of my whining. He wandered off, grabbed some Scotch Tape, and affixed the nails to my hands once and for all. We grabbed our things and went off to the party.

I got lots of compliments on the outfit, and things were going fairly well with the nails. Except that when you are at a party and consuming alcohol, you eventually need to pee. I went into the bathroom, looked at the back of the toilet, and saw a candle burning on it. My initial worry about how to pull my tights and panties down without losing my finger nails was no longer as big a concern. I now was fretting about ensuring I did not catch my long synthetic wig on fire. Or melting it to my skin. Melting or burning were not Hallowe'en tricks I wanted to experience. In the end I did not catch fire and only lost two nails throughout the whole ordeal. Luckily the host had some tape and I just put them back on my hands again.

After the party we were going to go to Church Street and check out the other gouls and goblins that were out for the night. But we decided against it since Paul has been ill and wanted to go to bed. I was a little disappointed, but I was also very sick of the long black wig and the nails that kept getting in the way.

We got back to Paul's place, and I spent the rest of the night watching TV, picking bits of tape off the ends of my fingers, and washing the eyeliner off my face. Being Morticia was a lot of fun. But overall I was very happy to return to my plain, simple, normal self. At least for the next 364 days.

Where DID I Leave my Energy?

So the last few weeks I have had a ton of energy. The last few days, not so much. At the end of this past weekend I was supposed to already have my Hallowe'en costume, completed week 3 of my training schedule for my 5K, have a clean house, and lots of groceries. Those were my goals.

Reality.

My house is a mess, luckily the last time I shopped for groceries I bought enough to carry me over in case I couldn't make it out, and I still do not have the Hallowe'en costume. At least I did manage to clean and reinstall my furnace filter and get the furnace turned on.

Sunday I was supposed to shop for my Hallowe'en costume. I got as far as looking up locations of Value Villages and Goodwill stores, called Paul, and told him I was on my way into town to go costume shopping. I got to Paul's house, and was waiting for him to get ready.

A strange thing happens when I wait for Paul to get ready. I go through the TV Guide to find shows that I would not be interested in, but then wind up getting interested in them. So I spent the afternoon watching trash TV about celebrity breakups, ultimately ending in watching a 1 hour documentary on the relationship between Britney Spears and K-Fed. I seem to recall Paul walking by the TV, looking at me and saying "Why are you watching this stupid s--t?!?!" Or maybe I said that to myself. Or we both said it to me at different times.

I am still running. But I am at the crossroads of developing the running habit where I could turn back and loaf on my couch instead of running. Most of my runs start out with me arguing inside my head. The scary thing is the argument in my head is taking place with YEM. Every excuse I had tonight was countered by YEM's voice saying "It's 20 freakin minutes!!!". Basically, the only way YEM is going to let me off easy is if there is a freak lightening storm in October, or if I break a bone anywhere below my pelvis.

While I was busy arguing with myself, I didn't seem to notice that I was putting on running gear instead of my jammies. At the end of it all I looked down at myself and thought "well I guess I will go then."

I got outside the door and thought about the fact that I still am counting steps and carrying my watch with the dead battery in my purse. Then I came to the realisation that since I am counting the steps, the faster I run, the faster I get through the steps, and the faster I get back home and into my jammies with a cup of tea.

I am quite proud of myself that I was able to push myself a little harder tonight, AND I managed make myself run without the real aid of YEM. (having YEM's voice in my head is another matter that will be dealt with either by therapy or prescription drugs at a later date. But for now I am leaving it there because I kind of need it.)

In the end, I know that running faster to get through my steps is pretty much cheating. But since I am still on a bit of a runner's high, I am going to stay positive and just think to myself "Something is better than nothing" even if I wasn't running for 20 freakin minutes. I'm just not sure what the real YEM is going to say about all of this.

The Verdict

For the most part, tonight was a repeat of last night. I was feeling kind of bummed after work and didn't feel like running. Plus it was cold outside. I really wanted to stay in where it was warm and wallow in self pity.

In an effort to try to convince myself to go out for a run, I thought to myself "What would Taunya do if she were in this situation?" then I realized if she were in this exact situation she would be kicking my butt out the door to go for the run.

So as I changed out of my work clothes, I put on my running gear and headed out the door. I whined to myself about the cold for the first few minutes. I got across the street, started to run, and something magical happened. I warmed up. Plus I managed to complete the run. On top of that, because I still haven't got a working watch I had to count my steps again. I was concentrating on that so much that I stopped wallowing in self pity and felt much better at the end of the run.

The moral of the story: find a good YEM (Your Evil Motivator). And there's nothing like exercise to help you clear your head.

But January 1 still is going to be really freakin cold.

I Was Not Built For This Climate

I look like my Mom, who looks like her Dad, whose father was from somewhere in France. Mom never cared to ask where in France her ancestors were from. Based on my intolerance for cold weather, I am guessing that it was somewhere in the deep south of France like Cannes or Marseille where the temperature rarely goes below freezing.

So it is around this time of year when the weather turns crappy, rainy, and cold that I avoid going outside at all costs. Unfortunately the building where I work is not connected to the underground downtown so I do have to go outside once in a while. Tonight I had to endure the bitter autumn damp chill while walking the 2 requisite blocks to the underground entrance. Those 2 blocks felt more like 2 million miles. As I was walking down the street, I was thinking that I should run tonight but it is cold outside. Then I came to a sudden realization:

I agreed to run in a 5K road race on January 1. If I think today is going to be cold, THAT day is going to be a KILLER! Am I CRAZY?

But alas, try as I might to convince myself to go out and run, it was easier to stay inside with a cup of tea and my triple weave blankie wrapped around my shoulders for warmth. I thought to myself "Oh, tomorrow should be warmer. Meh, who's going to notice anyway."

To ensure I was not spotted by The Evil Motivator, I purposely stayed off of MSN Messenger. My evil plan would have worked had it not been for those stupid kids... er... that stupid Facebook application. As I was casually checking up on what my friends have done over the last couple days, a chat window appeared:

Taunya (AKA The Evil Motivator): How was your run?

DAMMIT! BUSTED! Ok, lie to her or tell the truth. Oh. Yeah. She knows my aversion to cold, so she already knows that I did not go out running. She also knows I am the worst liar in the world. Plus I am not hurting her by not running or by lying to her about not running... I am only hurting myself.

Me: I'm a big chicken. It was cold. My train was late. I know, there is no excuse. But I AM trying
Taunya: wah wah wah. It's 20 freakin' minutes.
Me: I know, I know. But it was kinda rainy too
Taunya: Then you're running at lunch tomorrow?
Me: Not in a suit but after work I will
Taunya: Take alternate clothes. (remember, I broke my leg Feb 28th. Was verrrrry cold.)
Me: lunch is very difficult. what the heck do people wear in the cold to run anyway?
Taunya: Essentially, just more clothes, gloves, and ear protection.
Me: ok. Must remember to get those. On a happy note, I have put my watch in my purse to buy a battery for it
Taunya: I wear tights under wind pants, a wind breaker over a sweat shirt, those mini-gloves and ear muffs.
Me: mini gloves?
Taunya: you know those 99 cent ones that stretch out?
Me: ooooooh. Ok. dollar store gloves.
Taunya: ya
Me: I could buy a pair of those and a watch at the same time if I wanted. I mean, yes of course I am buying both
Taunya: lmao! exactly!
Me: hey, shouldn't you be catching up on your clinical paperwork now that you are done your patho? or are you using me as your procrastination tool?
Taunya: smartie pants. Shouldn't you be running now that it's quit raining?
Me: I just ate. I would get a cramp in a puddle so I have to wait at least half an hour before going into the water. You are correct, I should have run tonight otherwise Jan 1 will really really hurt and it will be much colder that day than it is today so I know I have to train for it.
Taunya: good girl!
Me: tomorrow for sure I will run. I did run on Sunday and all last week.
Taunya: Good girl! uh oh. My uncle just caught me on facebook ... NOT catching up on clinical ... I best log off

At that I was recued from The Evil Motivator by HER OWN Evil Motivator! I just hope that tomorrow is warmer and drier, as I am pretty much committed to having to go for a run now.

This Week's Update

The remainder of my week was been fairly uneventful, and I haven't had a whole lot to talk about.

Paul, Peter, and I resumed the Friday night tradition of going to Peter's house for a good night of chatting and a very delicious meal. Saturday morning I got out of bed early to head downtown to get my hair done.

My stylist is amazing. I walked in without any idea of what I wanted done, except I wanted to go shorter and keep the same colour. So in the end I told him to take 6 inches off. Rather than wait for me to wiffle waffle and change my mind, he just grabbed a pair of scissors and took off a big wad of hair. He noticed me staring at the hair on the floor and said "There's no turning back now, is there!" It was magical. I can't explain why.

When all was said and done, I left the shop and wasn't completely happy with the cut - I thought it made me look like a suburban housewife. So I wandered off to Kokyo Sushi for some comfort food. There is nothing like a Bento Box A to help cheer a girl up! Now that I have had a chance to style my hair myself, I feel much better.

Despite the beautiful weather today, I had to come out of denial and face the fact that the cold weather is coming. My house temperature is slowly dropping and soon I will have to turn on the furnace, so today's big highlight was cleaning the filter. That's just the kind of day it was.

I did manage to get out for a run earlier in the morning. I like the weekend runs the best because it is light out and I get to run through the park. Although I did find it a little annoying that in the midst of my busy run some dude hit on me. I would have been more flattered except that he was pushing a child in a carriage, and I really wasn't in the mood to be hit on. Of course, it is suddenly dawning on me why I am not in a serious relationship.

I am a little worried in that the running and cooking are starting to feel like work, now, and that my inherent laziness will set back in. I think I am getting bored with my food choices, so I bought some haddock and some chicken thighs, and am going to try my hand at making seafood chowder and chicken soup.

My big upcoming project is renovating my upstairs bathroom. Last weekend Bank of Mom loaned me some cash to fix up the bathroom. One of my first jobs is to finish refinishing a cabinet that I started last winter but got sidetracked once the warm weather came.

My other project right now is to choose a Hallowe'en costume and figure out how to put it together very cheaply. I still haven't picked which one I am going for - my original idea of going as Julia from Hellbound Hellraiser 2 just was not practical. Plus, whenever I would tell people they would look at me like "Who?" and confess they haven't seen the movie. Ultimately my decision to not be Julia came down to the fact that if you haven't seen the movie, you would not understand the costume, and it would just look stupid.

After much research and deliberation, I have narrowed down my costume to 3 choices:
1. A court jester.
2. A nun.
3. Morticia from the Addam's Family

Here are some of my thoughts on each costume choice:
1. Court Jester: also called "The Fool" - I don't think I need to go into any more detail there. Plus wandering around with a hat that has bells on it all day would just drive me crazy - not to mention everyone else around me.
2. A nun: I am scared of spontaneously combusting as soon as I put the outfit on. It would be God's punishment for me pretending to be pure and holy. We all know THAT isn't true!
3. Morticia: Gotta find a full length black dress. Sounds like an easy task, and it is for people who are short. Not so easy for a 6' tall girl like me.

You'll find out which one I choose after Hallowe'en.

Thanksgiving Recap

Well I headed off to the country for a few days of rest and relaxation as part of my Thanksgiving weekend. Saturday I went for a run and pretty much lazed around. Played some dominoes with my nephews Johnathan and Daniel, followed by a cut-throat game of Yahtzee with Mom. The rest of the evening was spent dozing on the couch.

Sunday I wound up in a little town called Brigden to see my niece Kayla show the sheep that she raised at the Brigden Fair. The sheep's name is Cindy. Cindy has a mind of her own, and is quite the little diva sheep. Cindy escaped from Kayla a few times during the competition, but Kayla did a great job of getting her back under control. I was very impressed.

After the whirlwind tour to see Kayla and Cindy, I made it back to my brother's place for some turkey and fixens. Unfortunately, there was no jell-o salad. Mom was sick and could not make it, and she did not have the patience to tell me how to do it. Better luck to me at Christmas. But there was trifle, and lots of other things to eat.

I noticed that school charity fundraising coincides directly with Thanksgiving weekend. I wound up ordering a box of teriyaki chicken breasts and a box of popcorn from two of my nephews. It felt good to support their fundraising efforts, though, and I am sure I can put the popcorn and chicken to good use.

Made it back to the big dirty smelly city early yesterday morning. Loafed around the couch all day, got ready and went for my first run of training week number 2, and then loafed around on the couch again.

Today I engaged in the ultimate social responsibility in a democratic society. I did my part and voted in the election. To be quite honest with you, I did not know who to vote for. I really only voted so that I have the right to complain until the next election. It saddened me that I was voting for the person I hated the least.

Well that's pretty much it for what I have been up to the last few days. I am looking forward to tomorrow since I get my first annual review at my current job, plus I get to go for a run tomorrow evening again. I am pleasantly surprised that I actually like the nights I run better than the nights I rest. Hopefully it stays this way, and if it does, I should fare very well at the 5K on New Year's Day. Only 78 days, 3 hours, and 11 minutes left to train!

Turkey and all the Fixens

Not much has been happening over the last couple of days, so I really haven't had a whole lot to say. Tuesday night I slept a lot, beings that I was so tired from running, and Wednesday I had to work late.

Tonight I managed to get out for a SECOND run. I managed to go out and do it without complaining, trying to get out of it, or even having to have been threatened by The Evil Motivator!

Its a good thing I am running, since it's that time of year that we stop and give thanks then stuff ourselves silly like gluttenous pigs. I certainly cannot complain though - I'm always game for a good gluttenous stuffing! Plus I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving:
- a roof over my head
- food in my stomach
- lots of people around me who love me
- a great job
- numerous fantastic experiences this year including the trip to Beijing, hanging out at Paul's, hanging out at Peter's, summertime patio fun, summer festivals, Caribana and all the pre-Caribana parties, and my last birthday in my 30's

Hopefully you will take a moment to take stock of all the good things you have. Feel free to put down one, two or your whole list in the comments section!

I'm off to visit my Mom and my brothers this weekend and will be partaking in a fabulous dinner with turkey and all the fixens. I am hoping Mom makes her famous Jell-O salad! It just would not be Thanksgiving with out it, and there is Always Room for Jell-O!